Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Hannah Rose. That is the name of the daughter I almost had. I was sixteen years old, and I found out I was pregnant by my boyfriend of only four months. I decided to terminate the pregnancy when I was 2 and a half months along. So I guess I don't actually know if it was a girl, but its what I was hoping for. I romanticized it...which only made it harder to make my decision. I think about my baby every single day. I pray to God that she is okay, and for her forgiveness.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


I am 12 days away from my 18th birthday. But two years ago, I didn't think I would make it this far. On October 16, 2008, 9 days before my sixteenth birthday, I intentionally overdosed. Yeah, that's just a different way of saying I attempted suicide. I was in a coma for four days, and the doctors actually told my family that I wasn't going to make it. By the grace of God (which is what my name means in Hebrew by the way) I woke up. I was perfectly fine, but I have minor heart problems now because of it.
A little bit of background...I had a bad relationship with a guy that my parents didn't approve of, I was having problems with rumors at my high school and within my cheerleading squad, and my parents and I had a very strained relationship. To add on to problems that would make any normal person go a bit crazy, I have been living with bipolar disorder since I was 9.
The day I took the pills was just a breaking point for me. I did not want to die. I wanted to get away from my problems and I saw no escape from what I was dealing with. But surprisingly, the episode changed my life for the better.
Exactly a month after, on November 16th, I moved out of my parents house and began living with my grandparents 100 miles away. It took my a few months to get back on track emotionally and physically. I lost 15 lbs being in the hospital and weighed less than 110 lbs, and at my height of 5'10", that's dangerous. I had to drink protein shakes and change my diet by order of a doctor to put weight back on. Right now I weigh 135 and I love the way I look. I didn't talk to my parents again until Christmas, and even then it was obvious I wasn't okay with them yet. It wasn't until my dad's birthday in February that I had a conversation with them without crying.
This past June I graduated high school, a goal that was much more significant for me than most, because it was an opportunity that I almost didn't have. Now I live on my own and go to school and work part time to support myself. I consider myself to be so strong because of what I've been through, and how I've grown from everything. I am so grateful to have my life and I embrace my second chance. I try to live my life with a positive outlook and I hope never to revisit the place where I found myself two years ago.